“Moving Day” appears on almost everyone’s list of stress-inducing life events. And that certainly makes sense. Purging, packing, unpacking, and then waking up in unfamiliar surroundings can make even the most serene feel jangled. It also makes sense that those of us whose lives are complicated by Alzheimer’s disease and dementia may find moving day even more unnerving.
The best time to start planning for this change is when your loved one is still able to participate in the decision-making process, when he or she can make personal choices that are healthy and reasonable. Of course, that’s not always possible. But advance planning can still make the transition easier for everyone involved.
Knowing When It May Be Time for Memory Care
There isn’t one moment that tells every family it’s time for memory care. More often, a series of changes begins to make living at home increasingly difficult.
You may notice that your loved one needs more supervision, has trouble managing everyday routines, becomes confused or gets lost, or experiences changes in behavior that are becoming harder to manage at home. Caregiver capacity matters, too. If keeping your loved one safe requires more time or support than your family can realistically provide, it may be time to explore other care options.
You don’t have to wait for a crisis to start looking. Beginning the conversation earlier gives you time to understand what different memory care communities offer and think carefully about what your loved one needs.
Choosing a Memory Care Community
Before making a decision, visit the communities you’re considering. Pay attention to more than the building itself. Ask how the community approaches dementia care, what kind of nursing support is available, how activities are adapted to residents’ abilities, and how care changes as dementia progresses.
Consider the environment, too. Does it feel comfortable and secure? How does the staff interact with residents? What opportunities do family members have to stay involved?
If your loved one can meaningfully participate in the decision, include him or her as much as possible. Other family members and healthcare providers may also offer helpful perspectives as you consider the level of care your loved one needs.
Before Moving Day
Help the residential community prepare for your loved one’s arrival by making several visits in advance of moving day. Let the staff get to know your loved one by asking and answering questions about medical and mental health history. Talk about your loved one’s hobbies, interests, career achievements, family connections, and daily routines. This information will assist the care team as they create an individualized care plan for your loved one.
If your loved one expresses interest in visiting the community with you, it might help ease the transition. But if you feel this kind of visit will only add stress, it may be best to make these initial visits on your own.
You can make the same assessment when deciding how to talk about the move with your loved one. If you feel such conversations will help ease anxiety, then it makes sense to have them. If repeated discussions only cause distress, you may need to adjust how and when you talk about the move.
You may find it helpful to determine ahead of time how you will talk about the impending change and then use the same reassuring words each time the topic arises: “I love you and want you to live in a place that will keep you safe.”
Make sure other family members understand the plan, too. Agreeing on how you’ll discuss the move can help prevent your loved one from receiving confusing or conflicting messages.
On Moving Day
Get as much of the manual labor done as possible before you and your loved one arrive at the new residence. As you unpack, use favorite furnishings and mementos to help create a home that will feel comfortable and familiar. Place a favorite chair in a comfortable spot. Make photo albums and memory books easily available.
Once the new home is ready, it’s time to introduce it to your loved one. You can coordinate your arrival at the residential community for the time of day when your loved one is at his or her best. Try to follow the schedule you usually use throughout the day, planning for accustomed meal times and rest periods.
After you’ve helped your loved one get acquainted with the new space and talked with staff, it will be time for you to leave. You can rely on the staff to help you make your departure. They are skilled at these kinds of transitions and are ready to offer care and support.
Moving Forward
After moving day, you and your loved one may feel a range of emotions. The transition to a memory care residence can bring grief, anger, sadness, and even guilt for family caregivers. Give yourself time to adjust, too. Choosing a higher level of care doesn’t change your role in your loved one’s life.
Continue to visit and stay connected with the care team. Share family stories, preferences, routines, and other details that can help staff understand the person behind the diagnosis. When appropriate, participate in activities together or simply spend time doing something familiar your loved one enjoys.
Your role may begin to change as staff take responsibility for daily care, but your relationship with your loved one remains important.
Frequently Asked Questions About Moving to Memory Care
How do you know when it’s time to move a parent to memory care?
There is no single sign that determines when a parent should move. Families often begin considering memory care when dementia-related changes make it increasingly difficult to provide appropriate care at home. Concerns may include getting lost, increasing confusion, changes in behavior, difficulty with everyday routines, or a growing need for supervision.
Your family’s ability to provide care also matters. If caregiving needs have grown beyond what you can safely and realistically manage, it is reasonable to begin exploring memory care.
Should you tell a parent with dementia that they are moving to memory care?
That depends on the individual. If your parent can understand and participate in the decision, involve them as much as possible. If repeated conversations about the move cause significant confusion or anxiety, you may need to simplify how you discuss it.
Keep explanations calm and consistent. Focus on reassurance and what your parent needs rather than trying to convince them through lengthy explanations.
What should I look for when choosing a memory care community?
Ask how the community approaches dementia care and how it adapts support as residents’ cognitive and physical needs change. Find out about staff experience, nursing availability, security, daily activities, family communication, and how individualized care plans are developed.
Most importantly, visit. Seeing how staff and residents interact can tell you things that a brochure or website cannot.
What should I bring when moving a parent into memory care?
Start with familiar belongings that can make the new residence feel more like home. Favorite photographs, artwork, a familiar chair, bedding, or meaningful keepsakes can help personalize the space.
The community should provide a specific list of what to bring and what should remain at home, so check with staff before moving day.
How long does it take to adjust to memory care?
There isn’t a universal adjustment period. Every person responds differently to a new environment, and some days may be easier than others.
Give your loved one time to become familiar with the people, surroundings, and daily routine. Stay in communication with the care team so you can understand how your loved one is adjusting when you aren’t there.
How can family members stay involved after a move to memory care?
Moving doesn’t mean stepping away. Visit your loved one, communicate with the care team, and continue sharing information about preferences and family traditions. You can also participate in appropriate activities together and bring familiar parts of your relationship into the new setting.
What if I feel guilty about moving my parent to memory care?
Guilt is a common emotion when families make difficult caregiving decisions. Try to return to the reasons you began considering memory care in the first place, particularly your loved one’s changing needs and your family’s ability to meet them at home.
Talking with other family caregivers, a support group, or a professional can also give you space to work through the emotional side of the transition.
We Can Help
The care team at Parc Provence is experienced in helping people with dementia and their families navigate the transition to memory care. We understand that choosing a community and preparing for moving day can bring plenty of questions, and we’re here to help you work through them.
If you’re beginning to consider memory care for someone you love, schedule a personal tour of Parc Provence or call us at 314-788-3591. Come meet our team, experience the community, and learn how our approach to specialized memory care can support your loved one before, during, and after the move.